Au Pair Margaret

Yeah ... I know, don't go on and on about it ...

So, what's been happening in the wonderful whacky world of Margaret Estella Weaver, eh?  Actually, loads. I now work as an au pair in a suburban family home because, as we all know, I'm very keen on children.  And dogs.  Plus cats.  Andrew, the head of the household, works as a member of a very important profession and I am not allowed to elaborate further online, lest I be in breach of contract.  There are two children: Talbot and Sierra, who are aged nine and six respectively; it's not really obvious from their names, but Talbot's a boy and Sierra, is a girl.  There is a dog, a retired racing greyhound called Wilberforce and a kitten named Handkerchief. 

My duties are live in and I reside up in their recently extended loft conversion, along with a tiny en suite which includes a shower that I can't even bend to shave my legs in.  No shoes are permitted within the house - visitors have to remove their footwear and glide across the slate tiles in mop slippers (pictured below, just in case you're not aware of the retail phenomenon.)

Probably the most bizarre thing about the whole house is that the front door is very narrow and painted black.  Unfortunately this means that the wood expands on a sunny day and therefore traps the inhabitants in the property.  The only way this can be rectified is by watering the door jamb from the outside.  Well, that or repainting the door, say, white.  Surely that's the answer?