A Day With Father

Father, as is his want, needed some new underpants as the ones I'd been pegging out on the line sporadically are completely warn through.  We ventured to BHS to see whether there were any undergarment bargains to be had.  There weren't, so we went to good old M&S instead.  Relaxing after our purchase in the sublimely named 'The Giggling Sausage' cafe we spotted Laura Smythe in conference with one of her peers.  I don't think that she spotted me, but I overhead the following exchange:

"Young people ... blah ... lazy ... ungrateful."

Luckily I was rewarded by her telling the waitress all about the difference between a serviette and a paper napkin.  The latter looked truly thrilled, but not as much as when she received her 20p tip.

The Thoughts Of Laura Smythe

My employer, Mrs Smythe has a wide range of opinions and views which she is more than happy to share with whomever is around to listen. Here's a rundown of the most bizarre:

Alan Titchmarsh:

Apparently he's responsible for the nation's drunkenness. Why? Well, Titchmarsh's tenure as the team leader of TV shows, such as 'Ground Force' has seemingly steered the population of the country towards supping wine in the comfort of their newly refurbished garden instead of the Great British cup of tea.

Morals:

Women should never, repeat never 'drop their drawers'.

'Love' Children:

There's no love; I call them what they are. I call them 'bastards'.

Hmmm.