For the benefit of new readers, I was formerly a member of Miss Sylvester's School of Music and Dance - a peripatetic organisation which brought me joy and dismay in equal measures thoughout the years. I have, however, been getting very fed up with it over the past year or so, well, especially as the choir have become a subsidiary of Kitty Sylvester's Quest To Rid The World of All Known Diseases charity. I mean, don't get me wrong - it's very laudable indeed to try to help ones less fortunate, but surely, Miss S doesn't have to (ahem) make such as song and dance about it ...?
A woman called Susie Bragworthy-James joined about fourteen months ago and also helps out with the charity by forcefeeding biscuits to the elderly on Thursday mornings. She volunteered to raise money for the charity by suspending herself in a tank of baked beans, located in the middle of the shopping centre, for a total of twelve hours and twenty-six minutes. Susie was keen as mustard and even brought along her own clipboards with sponsorship forms into choir to complete, lest anyone not have access to the interweb. I ignored them, preferring to raise money for the charity I actually volunteer for. Anyway, all went a bit pearshaped back in March when Bragworthy-Jones, after spending four hours and nine minutes in a tank of baked beans, passed out as a result of her snorkel becoming clogged with mushed up haricot beans. The money the NHS spent on reviving her and rushing her to the nearest A&E department canceled out the £387 she actually raised for the charity, but who cares, eh? It's all for a good cause.
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